Sister opts for silence after request is denied

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been pet owners for 30 years. Our last beloved dog passed away six months ago. We are in our late 50s and still work full time. We agreed we would not get any more animals because we would like to travel without worry for a change.

My sister has a big old dog that is good-natured and well-mannered, and she’s hinting for me to keep him so she can go to stay in her son’s condo in Florida that allows no pets. Her dog may be well-mannered, but he drools and shakes his head and all that flies all over my house and furniture. Yuck! I recommended a friend of mine to her who would take good care of him.

After our last pooch died, we cleaned our house, bought new rugs and got rid of the dog odor. We are not ready for any more animals in our home. I commute to my job by train and, frankly, don’t have time to watch her dog.

Since I recommended my friend, my sister has stopped answering my calls and texts. I feel bad, but her animal is not my responsibility. My husband and I don’t want to share our home with her 89-pound dog. Her request was presumptuous, but I still feel guilty. What should I do? Just deal with the silence? I don’t feel I deserve the punishment I’m receiving. — IN THE DOGHOUSE IN TENNESSEE DEAR DOGHOUSE: What you do now is stick to your guns and refuse to knuckle under to your sister’s emotional blackmail. She should have accepted your refusal to be the answer to her big, jowly, drooly problem with grace. You have been a responsible pet owner. You were kind to recommend someone who would take good care of your sister’s furry family member, and you have the RIGHT to enjoy your freedom now.

DEAR ABBY: For more than seven years, my partner and I have been in a romantic relationship. In the past, our connection was full of affection. We would hold hands, kiss and hug in public. However, over the past year, his affection has diminished. While I trust that he still loves me, I suspect he no longer finds me attractive.

I have spoken to him about it and explained the effect this is having on my self-esteem, and that I cry myself to sleep. He attributes his lack of passion to exhaustion, despite having plenty of energy for other activities. He’s 67; I’m 53. I don’t know what to do because he refuses to seek counseling. Please help.

— ROMANTIC LADY IN TEXAS DEAR LADY: Because your partner refuses to seek counseling doesn’t mean that you couldn’t benefit from it. His diminished interest in affection, and everything that goes with it, is not necessarily a reflection on you.

Some males in his age bracket experience a similar lack of interest in sex. However, when they see the effect it may have on their partner, they consult a specialist to ask if anything can be done about it. Your partner’s doctor could refer him to someone, but only if he’s willing to ask.

DEAR ABBY: My nextdoor neighbors, whom I have become close with, have three adult children. My friends admit it’s always been important for them to be their children’s friends and be the “popular” parents, enforcing no discipline/guidance ever in their children’s lives, still to this day.

The 19-year-old daughter has drug and alcohol problems and recently lost control at a friend’s house while under the influence. Her parents were called to pick her up. They called me on their way home and asked if I could help to get her under control. When they arrived, the daughter was screaming and violently beating up her mother in the back seat. She kicked out the side window of the car and was urinating everywhere. She was suicidal.

We got her out of the car, and she continued to be combative, screaming repeatedly that she wanted to die. I told them I was going to call 911 and they turned on me, telling me, “Absolutely NOT!” They just wanted help to get her inside and tie her to the furniture and let her sleep it off. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.

They dragged her by her arms on the ground into the house, where the screaming and fighting escalated. I called the police. She was transported to the hospital on a 5150, 72-hour hold. Now they are mad at me. I feel I did the right thing, especially since they chose to involve me and given what the alternative could have been. Was I wrong? Or do I need to reevaluate the friendship?

— INTERVENING IN ARIZONA DEAR INTERVENING: By all means, reevaluate your friendship with this clueless couple, who should be thanking you.

Their daughter needs far more help than her parents could provide by tying her to the furniture. She needs intervention, as well as psychological and medical treatment. You not only did nothing wrong by calling 911, you did everything right.

Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.