Gregg Anders poses with his daughter Sam in matching shirts she bought them during a trip to the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame in Cleveland in March.
By Taylor Brown
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In the wake of the tragic loss of their daughter to suicide on Tuesday, Gregg and Joyce Anders of Fallowfield Township have simple advice to offer: choose love.
Their daughter, Samantha Anders, was only 14 years old when she took her own life in the woods behind her home after struggles with anxiety, depression and bullying became too much, her parents said.
The day after their shocking loss, the Anders want the public to remember their daughter for the beautiful person she was and to raise suicide awareness.
A freshman honors student at Charleroi Area High School and a creative soul, her parents said her talent for the arts was unmatched.
“She was exceptionally gifted, in school and academics but especially in creative types of things,” Gregg said. “Whether it was music or writing, she loved writing poetry and short stories.”
Her mother said her skill with words often brought tears – and laughter – to those who read her work.
Through her words she was able to express how deeply she loved and cared for others.
When Gregg’s father passed away in June, Sam wrote a poem that was read at his funeral.
That poem that once meant so much to him is now a bitter reminder of memories he will not have the chance to make with his daughter.
“The poem was about me and her and how we’re going to make memories just like me and my dad made,” he said. “It means so much to me, but now reminds me that she said we would have memories and I am not going to have that anymore.”
A few months later, she wrote another poem about what it was like being a pastor’s daughter.
Gregg is pastor of CityReach Church in Charleroi where Joyce also does ministry work.
“It was a funny poem she wrote for me for Father’s Day and at the end of it, she wrote, ‘no matter what I am happy you are my pastor,’” he said.
Sam was not only a talented writer but could play almost any instrument she picked up including bass, electric and acoustic guitars, mandolin, ukulele, the drums and, most recently, piano.
While she did take brief lessons, she was largely self taught from watching YouTube videos.
“You could hear her upstairs playing everynight,” he said. “She even wrote her own songs. She would watch the YouTube videos and pick up an instrument and play and play and play.”
Sam played bass guitar with the worship team at their church and at one point even led the team.
But her talents were not limited to only writing and music, she also enjoyed skateboarding and playing basketball, being outdoors and recently had picked up photography as a hobby.
During a family vacation to Hershey this year, her dad recalled spending hours and hours in the butterfly garden walking with her as she took pictures of almost every flower.
Her mother remembers Samantha as a little girl going fishing with a Barbie fishing pole, hooking her own worms and catching fish that were almost as big as she was.
“She loved her dog and her two cats and riding horses,” Joyce said. “Anything outdoors, and especially being around her family because that is where she felt the most comfortable.”
Her mom said she remembers many nights where she could hear giggling coming from the upstairs where Sam and her older sister, Victoria, would sleep and said all three of the children, including her younger brother Tyler, were very close.
“They are doing OK,” Joyce said. “They are going to need a lot of love to get through this.”
During the summer she would lay out by the pool with her mom, where they would paint each other’s nails and do each other’s hair before heading off on a coffee or ice cream date.
“We would talk and dream of the future,” Joyce said. “Then she would always look at me and say ‘I love you mum’ in a British accent. … I miss my coffee buddy and her hugs. She gave the best bear hugs.”
If her parents left their cellphone down for more than a minute, they would soon pick it up to find Sam had taken dozens of funny-face selfies and changed their backgrounds.
“I think that is something we are both really going to miss,” Gregg said, adding he will never forget the face of his little girl as she waited for him to read to her class.
“When she was little she was so vibrant, always dressing in colorful clothes, so friendly and loved everyone. I will never forget going into the classroom and Sam sitting in the second row of desks, waiting and smiling ear to ear. It’s a memory I have been keeping in my head, especially as she began to struggle. That smile on her face sitting at that desk in the first grade.”
Samantha’s demeanor as a sweet, outgoing girl, drastically changed when she entered sixth grade at Charleroi Area Middle School.
That’s when the bullying started, her parents said.
There were several incidents that were investigated and parents were spoken to but the bullying continued throughout her middle school years.
“She became very anxious and scared when she saw someone in the streets that she knew,” Gregg said. “You could see that she would clam up and you have to imagine it must have been someone who had said or done something to her.”
While mean comments ranged from her outfits to her hair, her parents believe it was especially hard on Samantha feeling as if she didn’t belong.
“We tried to deal with her anxiety and depression; we weren’t perfect and did everything we could,” Gregg said. “And to be honest our relationship had become so much stronger. I remember her saying that she was a loser because her parents were her best friends and I felt bad for that, but I also felt so honored because she loved us enough to consider us her best friends.”
Although Sam was good at hiding her emotions, her parents said in the days leading up to her death she was happy.
“I dyed her hair on Saturday night and she was laughing and joking around, and we Skyped her older sister who is away at college,” Joyce said.
On Sunday, they met for dinner with family friends and she was still joking and smiling.
Though they don’t know exactly what it was, Gregg and Joyce believe something happened on Monday.
In a text message, Sam said she “had to go to the bathroom because she could not take them anymore.”
“So we don’t know what happened, but something must have and we know that someone knows what that was,” Gregg said.
Despite their devastation and emptiness, the couple is choosing to lead by Sam’s example.
“Sam loved the people that weren’t close to her,” Joyce said. “She loved and cared deeply about people. She was the one that would go up to the people sitting by themselves and try to talk to them. She had a sensitive heart.”
Her dad said she always put others before herself.
“She always wanted to help,” Gregg said. “… She always thought of others first and everyone should lead by her example.”
While her parents believe bullying is likely part of the reason behind her decision, they are not angry nor do they place blame.
“Obviously there is bullying going on in the schools but the bullying is not just going on in Charleroi,” Gregg said. “It is in every school district no matter what class or economic area that you are in. It’s everywhere.
“So I don’t want to put blame on Charleroi. I don’t want to put blame on the administration or the teachers. I don’t want to put blame on the students who knew it was going on. I don’t blame the kids who saw her by herself sitting all alone. I don’t blame the bullies.”
Placing blame would create a culture of anger, bitterness and hate, he said.
Instead, the family wants to focus on love and forgiveness.
“That is not who Sam was and that is not who we are,” Gregg said. “I was not sent here and Joyce was not sent here to hate the world. We are here to spread God’s love, so even in the midst of our situation right now, that is what we are going to do.”
The Anders believe everyone can do their part to create a positive change so another family does not have to lose a child.
“This is something everyone from parents, children, the community needs to get involved in to make a change,” Gregg said.
He said standing up against bullying makes you a hero.
“Growing up, kids have their dreams of being a star quarterback, to be a hero, to win the Super Bowl or to become a fireman and rescue someone,” Gregg said. “People have dreams of being heroes but the people that talk to a kid who is sitting alone, that is a hero. A person who sees someone being bullied and says I want to be your friend, that is a hero.”
Adults should also lead by example, he added.
“Adults will say ‘I never did that as a kid,’ but you are doing it now and they see you doing it now and they are learning from you,” Gregg said. “So, if you want a change then let’s clean up our own attitudes on social media or when we are talking to people on the phone and lead by example.”
Her parents are hoping to work with the school district and community to host an assembly where they can share their experience and Sam’s story to help generate the change they are hoping for.
There are currently two GoFundMe crowdfunding websites available for those interested in donating to help the family with funeral expenses.
Additionally, money raised will go toward the creation of a memorial scholarship in Sam’s honor to be given to a graduating senior who plans to major in art or music.
To donate, go to www.gofundme.com/sammiestrong or www.gofundme.com/m99kh5-funeral-expenses.
“We are so blessed and thankful for everyone who is rallying around us, but we don’t want the awareness to stop in a few weeks when the sting goes away. Because it is not ever going to go away for us,” Gregg said. “We don’t want another family to go through this; we don’t want to lose another child. The purpose God has for us is to bring love, joy and hope to a hurting world even if we are doing it when our own world is rocked. We all need to start loving each other.”
Samantha’s obituary appears on page A4. The Frye Funeral Home Inc., Monongahela is handling arrangements.